This page is for all those of you with a less than abundant sense of mechanical sympathy. You know who you are, SHAME ON YOU!

Need a good place for an earthing point? Why not drill a hole in the bottom yoke pinch point!!! No please don't.

We noticed the handlebar clip on moved when the bike was pushed on a customer's race bike . The fork stanchion was loose in the bottom yoke. It was the stanchion turning, even though the pinch bolt had been done up by Charles Atlas.

Why struggle when a hammer is to hand? Honda CB750 four, gasket mating surfaces & fins mullered - by a hammer and chisel? It got worse inside, cam cradle threads completely stripped but still re-fitted.

“All old bikes leak don’t they?” Aaaargh

Yup it’s the same piston. Low oil pressure, seizure and decapitation of Royal Enfield single.

Tuned big bore Benelli 504 Sport - exhaust valve.

Four came out like this one, over revved to valve bounce stage. Ouch

Ducati 900SS, both valves snapped off & hammered into the head.

S shaped valves from another Ducati, a 748 SP. Cam belt failure.

Change those belts regularly, Desmo owners.

This is what a Triumph T120 con rod looks like only 50 miles after a “professional” re-build.

Some people just shouldn’t go near the inside of an engine. The bike looked stunning from the outside.

If your BSA big single starts knocking; STOP, then get it recovered or push it home!

This one clearly didn’t do either until it seized solid!! More filings in the cases than a machine shop, ouch.

Ouch! A newly rebuilt 1977 Suzuki GT250, only done a careful 60 miles………..oops!

Re-jetted, but back to the drawing board old chap. Try MUCH larger jets, not very eco-friendly. Those early ‘80s Microns are spiteful!

1976 Kawasaki H2 750 – Hydraulic lock and well bent con-rods, eek. Check your Jap classics’ Vacuum petrol taps at service time, and if it goes “clunk” when you try to start it, DON’T bump start it or this might happen! A triple whammy!!!!

This has to be one of our all time favourites! On servicing a Norton Commando, lo and behold, what did we find.

Why use a socket when a cold chisel will do the job? After splitting the nut, the previous owner then welded it up!!!

An outrageously dangerous bodge to save just £4.50 for a new nut. This bodge nearly cost the new owner an arm and a leg, but he would get a free ride to hospital in a big white Ambulance. Arrrghh.